OMG…what a crazy f’ing month!

Well, okay then! Let’s see if I can actually write and finish a blog today! I’m working by myself, my co-worker went to visit her family in Indiana so I may not get to finish today in less than 1000 words but I’ll try!

SO! I still have a boyfriend, Stud. He and I both have trust issues so we have had a hard month together but I think if we can get through this past month, we are good to go! We have pissed each other off, both of us gone running to our ex’s (nothing happened with engineer but he wants me too!), both did legal and illegal fun things together, I ALMOST kicked him out because I actually listened to engineer for about 2 minutes, and yeah, other crap.

ANYWAY…I am el brokola. I mean broke as shit! I have carried Stud this month because of his pay being screwed up but I told him I can’t do it anymore. He is supposed to get paid on Friday and give me half of it. I guess we’ll see! If not, he knows he has to go stay with someone else which would really hurt our relationship but I can’t support him! PLUS…
OMG. You would NOT believe it. My friend Bartman hit on me today! So wait. Yes, I am saying this. I can’t believe it myself. Not only do I have Stud, Engineer wants me, Bartman wants me, and I am STILL going to see Arizona next month! PLUS Arizona got his own place and told me to cancel my hotel and I can stay with him. Really? He said he has a twin bed that I can sleep on. So geez! Get a boyfriend and the rest come out of the woodwork! But Bartman??? He’s the one that said he was too old for me (only 9 years older but that’s out of my 5 year dating range). And NOW he says that he has rethought that and I should try it. WTH??? OMG!!! I was going to go help him fix his computer this weekend since he got hacked and we were going to go to dinner but now I don’t think I can! I don’t think Stud would appreciate that! Stud already told me that I have too many boyfriends. I replied that I have ONE boyfriend and many boy / friends. He said it doesn’t matter…it’s too many boyfriends. He gets a bit jealous. When he saw engineer sitting with me outside my house he froze up. When I told him that he really should move out (because of the illegal things we did that weekend that engineer did NOT like AT ALL), he said I was cold. I didn’t want him to leave, I did want him to not do anything stupid that could cause his problems with me or with the law. That being said, he hasn’t done anything illegal since last Sunday. I already told him that the first time he does, he’s out and he said he understands and that it’s a good idea. But then again, words are just words. I am waiting to see what the actions are. I don’t want engineer back. I kissed him last Sunday and, don’t get me wrong, I love that, but I was thinking of Stud at the same time. I wanted to be with him but I was hurt because he just left and took off for his ex’s. He said he was going to see his son but she picked him up. Yeah, ok, sure! Whatever! That’s why I called my friend and then took him and Little Man over to engineer’s. We had a fish barbeque (engineer had caught a redfish that was HUGE), and had fun. So yeah.
NOW…I need to upload the Boston pictures I know. It’s been weeks! I think I have other pictures as well. Engineer keeps sending me dirty pictures of himself via text but I won’t share those! I delete them when I get them. I’m just not into that kind of stuff. I don’t have many pictures after Boston either..I just looked. Just one of Stud laying in my lap and of engineer and his daughter that engineer’s MOTHER sent me!!! His mother loves me, God help me! He tells me to call her Mom and then when I do, his Mom tells him not to rush into a new relationship. Whoa there, THAT’S not going to happen! I already HAVE a relationship with someone! Speaking of that, I asked Stud if I could change my relationship status on FB and put down his name and he says, Not until the divorce is final. Well, that’s fine but you haven’t even filled out the damn paperwork to GET a divorce! Geez! BUT… Bartman has his own business that he succeeds at, his own apartment building and place (which needs a HARD cleaning – bachelors – what are you gonna do?), and 2 cars. AND…Arizona has his own place, his own truck, and is in school to better himself. Engineer has his own place, his own old SUV, a good job (he makes a decent salary even though he bitches about it constantly), and a daughter. Stud on the other hand is living with me, has no vehicle, has 6 kids, and works whenever he can wherever he can. But I don’t want to let him go because he’s a “nice” guy who treats me well and is clean and sweet. Yeah, I know, I would dump him but I love him. I don’t love any of the others. I THOUGHT I loved engineer but it was all lust (I still have that – I just keep thinking of Stud when I’m near him). Arizona I have always liked but he’s in another state and doesn’t want a relationship. Bartman, well, he’s Bartman. A 49 year old bachelor. You do NOT want to see his apartment. GROSS. He has to clear a chair when I come visit him. Eww!
So that’s 1000 words so I’ll stop for now. Here’s the pictures!!!
HUGS!!!

Boston weekend

So I guess you may want to hear about my weekend visit to Boston! If you don’t, stop reading!

My Dad took me to the airport and I got there 2 hours early for my flight. Honestly, you really don’t need that much time for a domestic flight but I understand, he wanted to make sure his little girl got there with plenty of time. Got on the plane and flew to Boston. Arrived on time, my cousin picked me up at the airport and we drove to his house to drop off my stuff and then grab a train to go to the Astros/Red Sox game. So we grab a couple of beers each ($9.00!!!) and head to our seats in the outfield. The rest of the family was there so we all sat together and watched the game. Of course the Astros lost but my cousin and I were wearing our Astros jerseys so we got a lot of guff from some Sox fans but there were other Astros fans there too so we could all talk.

Written 4/29/2013 but couldn’t continue because of the immense work load I got and the craziness in my life!

Sorry you guys

I’m a horrible blogger this past month. My life is in a cluster fuck right now but I’ll be back. I don’t have the time or energy to write everything that’s going on at the moment.

I love my readers and I’ll write it all out soon.

HuGS!!!

Theme Thursday – Do Overs

It’s Time for another Theme Thursday but don’t forget to go over to Jenn’s site and read other bloggers too!

What would I do over? I would say “nothing” but then you would know I was lying.

1. Laughing with my friends at nerd boy in 6th grade when he asked me to dance. If I had known that 10 years later he and I would date and get close to getting married, I never would have done that to him back then!

2. Letting my mother put me on yo-yo diets that made me get up to 300 pounds by the time I graduated. Also all of high school boys I spoke to outside of school. They are rude and mean (and I mean still are – and I’m friends with a few of them still!).

3. Not seeing each of my grandparents before they passed away. None of them lived long enough to meet their great grandson but I could have been there when they passed. I was too busy living my own selfish life.

4. Getting my college education completed the first time. I got suspended my freshman year for someone else smoking pot in my dorm bathroom and didn’t go back. If I had gone back, my parents would have paid more of my education costs and I would have a great job right now.

5. Getting married 2 times. Why oh why couldn’t I have just not let my parents talk me into getting married? Why couldn’t they just let me live with these guys until I figured out for myself that they were NOT the right person? Why did I HAVE to be married to them just to live with them?

I’m sure there’s more but I can’t think of any on an empty stomach!
HUGS!!!

Hmm

1. If you made a real comment and it got moved to spam, guess you will have to comment again with something that goes with what I said and I will move it out of spam. Otherwise, I don’t think you are reading, I think you are spaming my inbox.
2. If you EVER travel and have to cancel your flights or car or hotel, call the person who made your travel arrangement! Even if you cancelled with the airline at the airport! I have a traveler who cancelled because of a delayed flight (she was trying to get to a one day meeting and would have flown back that same day) and the airline said they would cancel her flights and waive her change fee since the flight was delayed BUT she didn’t call us. The airline, instead of doing what they said, suspended her tickets so she couldn’t use them again. If I hadn’t called the airline and gotten a good agent on the phone who fixed it, the traveler would have been screwed out of $559! Call your agent!
3. I am stressed today!!! I realized that I have almost NO caffeine left in my house because of the guys that have been staying there, almost out of smokes because my boyfriend doesn’t get paid until Tuesday and he’s been smoking mine (and our friend probably has as well), and we are having to get creative with dinner because the food is dwindling (not sure if I spelled that right). I talked to Stud this morning about it though instead of holding it all in and getting madder and madder about it. I think that is VERY adult of me! He told me not to worry, he would be the creative one about dinner (like the awesome spaghetti he made last night) and we would worry about the rest later. Also said we can talk more about it tonight. He hugged me tight and kissed me and I started thinking more about it. We will be okay. We can make it until he gets paid on Tuesday and I get paid on Wednesday. I will have our friend, who has been sleeping on my loveseat, get a few groceries to get us through as well. I am still stressed but I’ll be okay. I am more stressed because I’m going to Boston and want to be able to buy things I need (or want). I have enough but not enough to do both (taking care of things at my house plus my trip). I’ve been saving for this trip and would have been fine if I didn’t have 2 men crashing at my place! I told Stud that I would usually have held this all in and not talked about it and gotten more and more mad and finally went off on someone. He hugged me again and I dropped him off at work and went to work myself. So yeah, it’s been a bit crazy at my place! And yes, I started taking Stud to work today as well. He started a better job that he will make more money. It’s on my way to work (only about 2 miles out of the way) so it works for me to drop him off but it also makes him REALLY early for work since he and I both have to be at work at 8. Plus he’s going to stay late at work every day to wait for me to pick him up. I don’t get off work until 6pm and he gets off at 5pm. I can’t wait until he can afford to buy a vehicle! Poor baby having to wait since the Houston Metro system sucks so bad! If he rode the bus, I would beat him home. That’s how bad it is here (and if you remember, dear readers, it takes me an hour to get home). So he’s going to wait for me.
4. I told Stud about this blog and what I’ve written. Since I don’t hold anything back from him, he said he didn’t mind. I actually don’t mind him reading what I wrote either. I have never felt that way about anyone. Am I becoming an adult or what? LOL
5. I text my cousin last night about my trip this weekend too. I told him my boyfriend said he would be lonely this weekend and that I had told him “too bad”. My cousin writes back “Don’t get married!” LOL I showed Stud these texts and he even laughed. But I already told Stud that I don’t want to get married again; I will live with someone, I will even wear a wedding ring, but you can forget that stupid piece of paper that ruins everything and has in both of my marriages! He seems okay with it but you never know, he may not be! He did tell me that he and his ex barely wore their rings. He would get mad and flush or throw his and lose it and she was cheating so never wore hers. Wow…I don’t care how mad you get, that’s money right there! I couldn’t do it. I want to wear a ring when I’m with someone. I want the world to know that I’m taken! I hope that if things work out, he and I will wear rings. I have the rest of my life though. I am NOT in ANY hurry what-so-ever for that! I think we have moved fast enough for right now!
6. OMG..you will NOT believe this! Last night Little Man was doing a taekwondo belt test. My Dad took him to his class. Little Man called and asked me to ask Stud to come pick him up! He said, “Mommy, will you ask Stud to come watch me do my testing?” So I text Stud and said, “Your presence has been requested at Taekwondo.” Stud called me and asked me how to get there and said, “OF COURSE! That sounds great!” How cool is that?
I hope that Stud doesn’t break Little Man’s heart later. That would be devastating and the very reason I don’t introduce Little Man to who I am seeing for a long time usually. Stud is different though because we knew him before we were together, I pray that this works out. I am starting to fall for this guy (still haven’t had sex – but we sleep next to each other every night). I am scared shitless but going with it. Stud and I have an inside joke too. He told me that he started out as roommates with his ex and that she started the relationship with him and then got pregnant and the rest is history, right? He had told his Mom that he wasn’t in love with her and only stayed because of his son and that she told him that he would have to learn to love her to stick around for his kid. He told me that he didn’t have to learn with me (well hell, if he did, we wouldn’t be together). So now, instead of those famous 3 little words (I love you), since I’m not really ready to actually say that yet, I am saying “No learning needed.” I told him that this morning when I got to work and got a smiley face back so he got it.
HUGS!!!

Is that it?

All I have been posting on Facebook and Twitter lately is music from Soundtracking. I don’t want to talk much. I have had a headache for the past couple of days because I’ve been thinking so much.
I am insecure. This is no joke. I am depressed which is why I take vitamins to help me with it. I have my issues, yes. Well, obviously, we all do but this is my blog so yeah, all about me, right?
Stud and I talked. When I say talked, I mean ttttaaallllkkkkeeeedddd…. a long time over the course of 2 days. He moves really fast. Faster than I’m used to. But you know what? I am kind of liking it! We had a talk with Little Man last night about what he and I have been talking about and Little Man is on board as well. What have we been talking about? Should I go on and spill my guts? I should? Well, since you asked so nicely!
Stud and I are together. As in boyfriend and girlfriend. I know, you already know that. Well, he is as insecure as I am. We have both been cheated on lately and that makes us both insecure. He was staying with a friend of his and I live with Little Man. He wants to move in with us. He has a son with his ex but he has to get himself together before he can sue her for custody. I know, you may not agree with me on this but it’s my life. I may be nuts, but I am ready. He and I have known each other for 5 years, hanging out with our kids together for almost 3 years, and have wanted to go out together for more than 6 months. Now that we are going out, we kind of skipped the whole dating part. We did go out on 2 dates but neither one of us wanted to leave the other after the 2nd date. So, he hasn’t left yet. He doesn’t want to leave. I forgot how it feels to be held when you are sleeping and to wake up next to someone every day. I love having the help with Little Man and help around the house. He actually gave the dog a bath yesterday! He and I feel more secure as well. I go to work, not skipping out or anything. He goes to work. I still keep my same schedule as does he. He is paying my rent plus his own bills. He buys his own food. I am enjoying this. I told him that I’ve been on my own so long that I may get a bit out of sorts some days but on the whole, I like it. We talked about what would happen if we got mad at each other (because that happens with couples all the time), we talked about mornings and who does what when (cause we have 1 bathroom for all 3 of us), we talked about the bills, we talked about the car, etc, etc, etc. It has been a whirlwind romance for sure. Then, yesterday, he tells me that he falls in love too easily. Well, so do I. But we didn’t tell each other “I love you” yet. I told him that I don’t want him to until he really means it. We aren’t having sex yet. He is going to go to church with us. We are very happy. And, as a shocker, Little Man is SO thrilled as well! He goes up to Stud when we got home last night and says, “Stud, will you stay here and bring your son over a lot for me to play with? I want you here.” And I promise you, I didn’t put him up to it either! All I did was ask Little Man how he felt about Stud sticking around for a while and he got all excited saying how that would be awesome and he will get to have a brother now. See what happens when you are friends with someone first? It’s much better. Plus kids have a sixth sense when it comes to people, I should have listened to Little Man about engineer and roommate. Things would have been better but it’s all good now.
So anyway, I’m still going to Boston to see my cousin this weekend. I showed Stud my cousins and he felt better about it (I showed him the family picture). He asked if I was going to talk to him while I was gone and I said “Of course!” He doesn’t know what to do while I’m gone. He doesn’t have a car but he has a place to stay. He gets to take care of the dog too. I told him to just relax. It’s only 2 days! We shall see how that goes. I also told him that if he has his son when I get home, we can all go to Chuck E Cheese so the kids can play together. He likes that idea too. I don’t get home until Sunday late afternoon but that’s okay. I have to ask him to cook for me since I won’t be around and he says he loves to cook. He already did all the dishes yesterday. I’m waiting for my house to be spotless. He said he’s used to having to do all the cleaning because his ex was lazy. I’m a clean person but my house isn’t perfect, I have a kid but now I bet it’s going to get really clean between the 2 of us!

If you are tired of hearing about Stud, how about this? I am not sure what to do about Arizona now. I’m still going for my birthday and no, Stud is not going with me. I’m not a cheater so there’s no worries about that but do I tell Arizona now or wait? You never know what will happen in 2 months, you know! I guess I’ll wait and find out. I am excited about going though. I have loaded pictures of where we are going hiking too. It’s beautiful, although in June, I’m sure it will be hot! But as I’ve been saying, it’s MY 40th birthday and I want to spend it with friends and doing something I’ve never done before so I’m going, alone, to have fun. No kids, no live in boyfriends, just friends hanging out. I finally talked to Arizona and feel more like he’s not reading this, Thank GOD for that! He’s such a nice guy too. I hope he’s going to be okay with everything once I’m there. I do like him, that doesn’t change, but I’m starting to fall for Stud and I’m happy. That’s what matters. Wow, sorry for the long windedness of this post! Guess I had to talk things out with myself!

Did I mention the Fun Run that Little Man did? He refuses to clean the half of his face that has a dragon tattoo on it now. He’s silly. He ran a mile, did a good job, helped make this family some money. The parents died in a car accident and all 3 of the kids were hurt but lived so they need all the help they can get.

HUGS!!!

Shocker-it’s sunday and I’m posting!

Surprised??? I didn’t have time to post from work because I didn’t have time to go to the restroom, let alone make a post!

On my way home from work on Friday, I had to stop for a car coming and got a love tap on my bumper. I freaked the hell out and made the guy get his insurance out but then didn’t see any damage so I just said don’t worry, I just want to go home. I’m sure that made him happy since it is his fault! So I was shaken up and upset and then Stud cancelled on me Friday night saying he had to work his second job that he wasn’t supposed to start until Tuesday. Yeah, ok, whatever. I was pms’ing and kind of went off on him and told him to do whatever he wanted. So he did, he worked. Yesterday, he felt like crap on some medication and I wasn’t going to not get to see him again so I drove out to where he’s staying, 45 minutes away, and told him to come with me. I am going to Boston next weekend and won’t get to see him for 2 weeks! We got back, the sitter showed up, and he was looking like he was going to pass out. He wanted a drink and I didn’t want to go to a bar so we went to my favorite hole in the wall Fajita Flats and he had 3 shots of Jack Daniels and we both had 4 beers. Then they closed, we were there for 3 hours, so we went to Nick’s Place and had a couple more beers. He was a bit drunk and I was tipsy. We came back home and I took the sitter home while he put Little Man on the couch so we could sleep in the bed. We didn’t sleep though. Get that man a bit drunk and he gets a bit crazy! We made out and did other stuff but no sex! I’m waiting for that and he’s okay with it too, or he says he is. Today, we started talking. Well, we talked last night but today we’re sober so it counts more.
He said that when I got a hold of him and wanted to go out with him, he thought that it was a joke on him between me and his ex. I said, wow! I thought you were joking on me with her! So we talked about that. I told him that I was sorry for going off on him and told him about the pms’ing. He said he understood. His ex kept calling him all morning saying she knew where he was and she wanted to bring his son to see him. She doesn’t really know that we are dating and he’s not ready to tell her anything, so he asked me to drop him down the street to go to lunch with them. That was 3 and 1/2 hours ago (at 3:30pm) but I know he loves and misses his son so I’m not bitching. I text him and said that time flies when you are having fun and to give his son a hug from me and Little Man. Haven’t heard back either.
This relationship stuff is hard and I’m not used to it. Engineer and I were never actually “together” and I never had to deal with this kind of stuff, so it’s been a really long time since I had a relationship. I want to be with Stud but don’t want to move too fast. I want to not be nervous when something pops up but I am insecure and worry. He worries too, he says, and I can understand that. I have talked to a couple of friends but I would rather talk to him abou all these insecurities so I started to but his ex kept fucking calling so I shut up. My friends don’t seem to think that Stud and I should be together, they say it’s too soon. This has been coming for almost a year though. Back when he was still with her, we were talking too. Not about dating, he and I were just friends. I don’t know why I have these bad feelings about everything lately and I hope it’s all because this is new still. I’m trying to take things one day at a time but I just want to know what’s going on! When he doesn’t answer a text after 3 hours, it makes me wonder what’s really going on. Is all this normal? Am I really that jaded that I have no trust yet? He seems to trust me, why can’t I trust him? I trust him enough to leave him alone with my kid for 5 minutes while I take the sitter home and trust him enough to tell him stuff that nobody knows about me, I just am scared of letting him into my heart. I almost told him the real reason that I’m waiting on sex, that it will make me fall for him and I’m scared that I’m not ready for that yet. I want to love him when that happens. I like him a lot, I have told him that. He says he really likes me too. He also said that he loves me and wants to marry me when we were messing around but I don’t count that stuff. I’m getting used to how he kisses, let me tell you, it’s different! It’s not bad at all though, just not what I’m used to. I never know if he’s telling me what I want to hear or if he’s telling me the truth. I hope it’s the latter. I’m trying, I really am! He also now says he’s quitting his second job. Umm, okay? I wish you had done that the other night!!! He told me that he would come over at 2am after work but of course he didn’t and I didn’t mind because working 2 jobs and getting up at 6am and working from 8am to 2am, I was afraid he might fall asleep on the way here!
Anyway, Mike came over Friday night and we watched some weird witch movie called Beautiful Creatures. I’m glad I didn’t spend $10 at the theatre for that! I forgot to go to a baby shower and a dog wash today but then again, I didn’t really want to. All I wanted was to spend time with Stud and now that’s not even happening! :/
I text Arizona and he said he was going hiking in Sabino Canyon and would send me pictures so I’m waiting on those. I told him that I can’t wait to see it all in person and he wrote back, “Calm down Jules! You’ll be here soon enough!” I sent a message back lol and thanks for the laugh. I’m still waiting on my pictures. He told me that he has been busy and getting ready for finals and that he has a hard time concentrating on more than one thing at a time but that when I come visit, our visit is what he’ll be concentrating on. 2 months until that trip. I can’t wait to see my friends!
With all that I’ve been feeling, I’m not sure what’s going to happen with me and Stud. There are times he’s talking about wanting to live with me and there are times he ignores me (and yes, he even admitted it). Only because he felt like crap and didn’t want to talk to anyone. So yeah, that’s not cool. I still haven’t heard from him and its been another hour. :/ I guess I will just continue on my day. Not much else I can do! I’m about to help Little Man with his school paper and watch some Netflix.
HUGS!!!

julescam

My life as I see it day by day